Debunking Picky Eaters: Why Kids Struggle with Food (and How to Help)

Most parents just want to know their child is well-nourished, but when your child refuses anything but buttered noodles for every meal, it’s easy to worry that you’re raising a picky eater.

Amy Chow, registered dietician at BC Dietitians, notes that this assertion of preferences is a normal development for children as they become more independent. Also, a 2025 review published in Foods confirms that picky eating is rarely just behavioral—it’s shaped by biology, environment, and emotional development.¹

Why the “Picky Eater” Label Is Oversimplified

“Picky eating is a common term for what is actually a very complex and individualized experience,” says Danielle Zold, RD, LDN, CLC, and CGN of Nourished Pediatrics.

There are countless reasons a child may appear “picky.”² One potential reason, food neophobia (fear of new foods), typically peaks between ages 2 and 5.² Chow says other possible explanations include:

• Sensory sensitivities (smell, taste, or texture)
• Asserting independence or need for control
• Cautious personality traits
• Emotional factors (e.g., new sibling, high-pressure meals)
• Growth-related or developmental stage appetite changes
• Physiological challenges (e.g., tongue tie, constipation)

“Deficiencies in iron and zinc can also suppress appetite and alter how food tastes, making eating feel harder,” Zold adds. “As a result, kids may stick to familiar beige foods, which only deepens the deficiency. Over time, this creates a cycle that reinforces selective eating.”

For parents looking for nutrient-rich meal ideas to support picky eaters, The Paleo Diet® offers a range of recipes, from smoothies to family-style meals, that can increase iron and zinc intake in fun, approachable ways.

How Well-Meaning Practices Can Backfire

Zold often sees well-intentioned feeding practices cause backlash. Methods such as pressure, bribes, or rewards (think: “eat three bites and you’ll get dessert”) can undermine a child’s self-regulation. Cultural norms like “clean your plate” can unintentionally create tension and kill curiosity around new foods.

“Getting one more bite of broccoli might feel like a win,” Zold says, “but in the long run, it’s far less important than raising a child who enjoys mealtimes and doesn’t feel pressured to eat. We can always supplement a limited diet, but it takes a lot longer to repair a poor relationship with food.”

Zold suggests a simple litmus test: ask yourself whether your approach helps create a competent eater in the long term, or if it’s just getting another bite in the short term.

From Power Struggle to Partnership

To reframe the picky eater narrative, Zold advises parents to avoid labeling their child. “It can become a self-fulfilling prophecy,” she says.

Instead, try a more collaborative, less pressured approach. Lean into responsive feeding, where caregivers decide what, when, and where food is offered, and children decide how much or whether to eat. Chow recommends offering simple, boundary-based choices like:

• “Would you like carrot or broccoli?”
• “You don’t have to eat, but you can sit with us.”
• “What can we add to this meal to make it tastier?”

“Setting structure, like regular meals and snacks, family-style eating, and repeated exposure, can go a long way,” Zold adds. Chow also encourages more low-pressure food interactions, like gardening, grocery shopping, or cooking together, to help kids see food as fun.

Finally, consider whether your expectations are age appropriate. “A general rule is one tablespoon of each food (protein, starch, produce) per year of age,” Zold says.

RELATED: How to Help Your Kids Eat Healthy

Picky Eating Isn’t a Reflection of Bad Parenting

Feeding challenges are common as kids explore their independence and develop preferences. Having a “picky eater” doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means your child is still learning to eat well.

Rather than focus on what or how much your child eats, shift toward connection around meals and staying curious about food together. Children who feel safe and supported are far more likely to become adventurous, competent eaters in the long run, and that’s when meals become more enjoyable for everyone.

References

1. D’Auria, E., De Cosmi, V., Mazzocchi, A., & Agostoni, C. (2025). Nutritional challenges in picky eating children: A narrative review. Foods, 14(1), 69. https://www.mdpi.com/2304-8158/14/1/69
2. Rajindrajith, S., Devanarayana, N. M., & Benninga, M. A. (2019). A systematic review of behavioural interventions to improve feeding outcomes in young children with feeding difficulties. International Journal of Behavioral Nutrition and Physical Activity, 16, 104. https://link.springer.com/content/pdf/10.1186/s12966-019-0899-x.pdf